


i don't know where i’m going, but i know what i'm showing

by badbadnotgood



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Coming Out, Domestic Fluff, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-30
Updated: 2019-07-30
Packaged: 2020-07-27 04:03:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 813
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20039623
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/badbadnotgood/pseuds/badbadnotgood
Summary: A conversation over pizza and coke after Dan and Phil come out to the world.





	i don't know where i’m going, but i know what i'm showing

**Author's Note:**

> I'm late to posting this but I really wanted to write a small something about the two videos dropping!

“I think I’m vibrating,” Dan says.

When he first started uploading, it was a new and jittery kind of exciting, and he’d be glued to his laptop for days on end waiting for strangers to validate his content. He’d refresh the webpage and watch the viewer count increase on each video, baffled that people were interested in what he had to say.

Now he’ll upload, reply to a few tweets and like a few comments, then retire to the couch with Phil and their takeout feast.

This video is no different. Except it _is_ different.

“You know I think you’re incredible, right?” Phil says around a mouthful of pizza.

“You saying that with your mouth full of food somehow makes it even more sincere,” Dan says. “I feel… fine? Like, I’m not as terrified as I thought I’d be.”

“I think it’s because you’ve sat on this for a whole year. Not the whole being gay thing, obviously, but it’s been in your head for so long that you were going to come out to everyone that it must be a relief to finally have it out.”

Dan knows this is the time for talking, because Phil put a film on he knows neither of them are going to pay attention to and it’s just going to be background noise.

“I guess it is a weight off my shoulders, but it still irks me that the project took so long to complete. I’m more than happy with how everything turned out. I feel like I took my audience through it pretty conscientiously? I just know my choice of language and explanation is going to be skewed by people.”

“Dan,” Phil says firmly. “You are one person. One person telling your story to millions on millions of people. I think every possible thing you said that could come across as too vague to others, you defended what you were saying by the fact that it’s your story and you recognise your own privileges.”

Phil shakes his head and laughs. “Of course _you _would be more worried about how you’re articulating yourself rather than coming out to the whole world.”

“That’s my thing! I’m a man of well thought out, relatable anecdotes. Doesn’t all come natural to us, Mr. Linguistics Degree.”

Phil shrugs, takes a sip of his drink and steals a potato wedge from Dan’s plate. “I love the whole thing. Sophisticated, honest, with just the right amount of trademark Dan.”

“Those writing classes really did help, though. Definitely got me out of that rut.”

“Exactly. And, considering you think you’ve only scratched the surface here, that forty-five-minute mark will probably intimidate people,” Phil tells him.

It’s a really long piece of work. A whole video essay. Dan worries that people will maybe switch off half way through, not give him a chance to explain himself and his journey. He tries to push that away and focus on the positives.

“Is it strange that now the video has dropped I’m slightly apprehensive about stepping out of this echo chamber we call our house?”

“Well, yeah. It’s been about a year since you last uploaded and, frankly, that video title popping up on people’s phone screens has probably caused some causalities.”

“Phil!”

“_Good_ causalities.

I just love how it gives people the courage to come out but also lets people know that staying closeted is completely fine, too. You’re doing so much good with this video, Dan.”

“But so are you! Yeah, your video might not be a long, wanky short film on your sexuality journey but it might even be better for some people than mine is. Yours is so casual and inviting. Like, yeah, I’m gay, and if you can’t accept it then reflect on why you can’t and grow from that.”

“I see what you mean,” Phil adds thoughtfully, “I guess it’s a lot easier for the younger part of my audience to digest.”

Phil is something else, Dan thinks. The one person who fully gets the importance of Dan’s coming out. Phil understands that he comes from a place of privilege that allowed his journey to be much easier and aided with support. And now he gets to be the biggest part of Dan’s support system, and Dan is forever indebted to him, as much as Phil insists he isn’t.

“I’m quite looking forward to post-coming out Dan and Phil,” Dan decides. “It’ll be exactly the same but with more dick jokes.”

Phil smiles. “A lot of people don’t get to do this with the love of their life by their side, and it feels fucking incredible.”

“Hope taking over the world isn’t next, I’m knackered.”

Phil looks like he’s thinking on it. “We could take over the world in our sleep.”

Dan picks up his wine glass full of coke and clinks it against Phil’s plate. “I’ll drink to that.”


End file.
